Peta Heskell is known as The Original Flirt Coach and has been on just about every TV and radio show you can imagine. Her expertise is all things relationship and uses flirting as a powerful metaphor for effective communication whether that's with loved ones, friends or in the workplace. If there are relationships in your life that are holding you back (or making you eat) then Peta can help you…and make it fun...
Dating - Your dating patterns
I suspect that you, like many others, have rules and behaviours for dating. It might be useful for you to examine what specifically it is that you do that doesn’t seem to work? If you notice stuff that does work, great, keep it. Sometimes we build up expectations and then try to fit everyone into that tailor-made box
The following exploration is your chance to find out
Before a date do you have expectations and if so?
- What dreams do you set up for dates and do they disappoint you?
- Are they expectations for yourself and/or for other people?
Sometimes we expect things from people they can’t give and then we get disappointed and we don’t have any uplifting standby thoughts.
When you make a date with someone what happens immediately afterwards?
- Are you excited, nervous?
- Do you zoom into the future and start to plan a life together, or maybe you just plan a hot night together?
- What do you say to yourself?
- Is it encouraging or depressing?
- What kind of images do you make in your mind’s eye of how it will be?
What you say and visualise is conditioning yourself for how you behave on the date and what vibes you’ll send out. It’s important to know what you are setting yourself up for.
Your dating rules
What beliefs and rules do you have about who should do what?
- Perhaps you think a man should always call a woman?
- Where do you draw the line? Is it OK for a woman to approach a man but not to ask him for a date?
- Have you ever thought of what would happen if you broke one or two of these rules and whose rules are they anyway?
On the date
What really turns you off someone?
- Is it superficial stuff like how they dress or is it something more fundamental such as their religious or moral stance?
- Which might be a better standard of judgement?
Do you start to size up your date from the very first moment?
- Are you ticking off a list or making judgements or are you just allowing yourself to find out more about them or what?
- Do you have rules running through your head that encourage you to pretend to be something you are not, whether it’s prim and proper when you’re wild and uninhibited or pretending to be out on Saturday night when you’ve no plans at all.
- Perhaps you pretend that you’re more experienced than you really are or that you don’t really want to sleep with someone because you are too ‘nice’ for that?