Peta Heskell is known as The Original Flirt Coach and has been on just about every TV and radio show you can imagine. Her expertise is all things relationship and uses flirting as a powerful metaphor for effective communication whether that's with loved ones, friends or in the workplace. If there are relationships in your life that are holding you back (or making you eat) then Peta can help you…and make it fun...
I’ve found that people who can’t love themselves find it difficult to love someone else unless there’s some emotional payback. You will either send out love as a message that says ‘please give me love cos I haven’t got enough for myself’ or you will drown someone with love in the hopes that they stay with you or you will put up a barrier that says ‘don’t love me – I’m not love-able enough’.
What if you were to send out a message like this?
- Here is my love as a gift to you and I expect nothing in return.
- I’m so love-able.
What might that do to attract the right kind of person to you?
NLP Question - What would have to happen for you to be able to
be-am that message into the world?
You don’t have to be perfect
"We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone--but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy." Walter Anderson
My friends tell me that one of the things they like about me is that I’m very honest about myself. I am aware of what I’m good at the sometimes silly things I do and have very little sense of embarrassment. I always think after something odd happens ‘That’ll make a GREAT story’ and then laugh at the thought of telling people.
Elaine is very concerned about what people will think about her. She is also very kind to people. She couldn’t understand why one of her friends had turned on her. She said ‘I never burden them with my problems’. And she didn’t. She was so concerned to appear perfect that she held back a lot and then she wonders why people resent her. People like flaws, within reason, it says ‘this person is human’
Are you trying too hard to be perfect…
... or are you prepared to admit you’re human and like everyone you don’t always get it right? How liberating might that be?
And sometimes we feel the need to hold back information because it’s not appropriate or relevant or the person isn’t ready for that yet.
I’m not suggesting you spill all the beans on day one. I’m trying to help you recognise the difference between holding back out of fear of exposing yourself or holding back because you want to reveal yourself slowly and gently.
Exploration – What are you prepared to reveal
What would you be prepared to reveal to someone and what do you want to hide? The following exploration is designed to help you sound out and get a feel for what’s keeping you from being totally open.
- Make a list of two of the following, your darkest secrets, health issues, your worst faults, your dreams, your goals, your despairs and challenges and triumphs. Tick the ones that are MAJOR
- Take a pile of A4 or Letter size paper and with a felt/marker pen write on each page a code word for one of your MAJOR’s.
- Place one sheet on the floor and stand with your back to it. Notice your body how it feels from head to toe. Then turn around and step onto the paper. Imagine you’re having this experience now.
- Check the location of feelings in your body
- Notice which ones give you amazing feelings and which provoke uncomfortable feelings and where they are in your body
- If there are things you register as ‘couldn’t ever tell someone that’ ask yourself - what value do you get from keeping these secrets
If you want to develop an honest deep relationship with someone you’re going to have to open yourself out more and let them penetrate deep inside you.
If you are already in a relationship, how honest are you about yourself and how much do you hide?
What do you think would happen if you let out some of the secrets?
What would have to happen for you do this?