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Sense-Able Listening
The words people use and the way they phrase what they say are useful clues to how they make sense of the world. This information can come in very useful when communicating with people as you’ll find out in the next chapter.
See feel hear
- Some people pick up on the visual aspects
- Others are highly tuned to what they hear
- And others get more of a feel for things
You’ll notice this because they appear to have a preference for one or two ways of expressing themselves.
As you listen to and watch someone talk, make a mental note of what kind of words they use most.
- Seeing words e.g. "I want to get clear on this, It looks promising. I can’t see myself doing that"
- Hearing Words e.g. "That resonates with me, It sounds a bit off, I tuned into what he was saying"
- Feeling words e.g. "I want to get to grips with that, it feels good to me"
Try this on yourself first. Write out a description of some place or activity or something that you can remember in detail.
How did you describe it? When you think about it now, what are you doing. Are you remembering more sounds, sights or feelings?
Remember that just as you are doing this in your way, they will be doing it their way and it might not always be the same way as you.
Assignment
Decide to investigate one case study a day. Pick someone you often have reasonably long conversations with. Things to notice:
- Their rate of speech – fast slow in between and compared to you faster or slower or about the same
- The rhythm – is it smooth or jerky
Where do they put their eyes before or after they talk? Look out for them looking:
- Up - are they moving their eyes as if surveying a scene or just
- Glancing up from time to time.
- From side to side –
- Down to the left and right
Notice what happens just as they do this. For example if someone looks up a lot, notice as they look up and then pay attention to the words they say
- What are they doing with their hands as they speak? Be precise
- What’s their breathing like. Are they holding their breath at any time
- How are they shifting their body? Straightening up, hunching, opening or closing
- What’s going on in YOUR body as you listen to and watch them
After you’re done, make some notes on what you noticed. The more you do this the more competent you’ll become at picking up on people.. and the more competent you are at this the more easily you will be able to talk to people and flow with their energy to create comfortable and easy rapport.